humility

"pride comes before a fall."

i've come to realize my own resolve to kick habits will only take me so far... no matter how much i commit to something, or to abstain from something, i will eventually falter. i have to, i'm flesh & blood. i've read romans before, i know that paul had this same struggle: "[7:15]I do not understand what i do. For what i want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... [21]i want to do good but evil is right there with me... [24]what a wretched man i am!" Yet, it's surprising when it happens to you... especially in an area in which you once felt nearly invincible... how upsetting to fail. but then i wonder, maybe my success in that area began to take the form of a sort of pride- in my own strength and resolve.

so much for that.

well, maybe i had to mess up this time, to realize that I need to rely on God more about this struggle of mine. whatever triumph over the struggle that I encounter in the future i now realize that seriously all the credit needs to go to Him, not to myself. This situation is proof, i really do not have the strength within my self to be free of it.

in the meantime... I'm glad God doesn't write me off cuz I messed up. I'm still beloved to Him, worthy of His perfect Son's sacrifice... imagine that.