why stephanie...why

Why what?

Why'd I make a blog? Let me tell you.

Well, the truth is, Michelle has a blog...and it looked cool. Haha, but really I'm using it as a form of journalling. A public type of journalling. A place to share experiences, stories, thoughts etc!

So, welcome to Steph's blogging experience. Let's see how short-lived this is.

I've been thinking of moving out lately. Being on a CREW team and traveling all over Canada for a year will do that I suppose. Trying to imagine going back and living in my parents' home, as much as I love them, is an interesting thought. I wonder how different it will be...or if it will be different at all. Will I default back to just being a kid? Will I struggle against my parents trying to figure out how to be an adult living under my parents' roof? Maybe I haven't been gone long enough to really cherish my independence so much that the move back would be difficult. I'm not sure.

At any rate, I'd love to live downtown someday. Anywhere downtown. Vancouver, Edmonton, any big city in a downtown area. I love city lights, the skyline, the hustle and bustle, how there's always something going on and something to see.

But then there's other things to consider.

I learned about the term "new monasticism" in a Canadian Lutheran article I read a couple months ago. I've always wanted to impact homelessness in the downtown East Side of Vancouver, even more so since I got involved with the Inner City Project with my church, an outreach event to feed and clothe our neighbors living down there. I've never been a big fan of church groups that "swoop in and save the day" with band-aid solutions, give a meal for self-fulfillment and never come back. I'm not really as cynical as that statement makes me sound, but I feel that the impact the church should be having on places impacted by homelessness should be more community focused. Mother Theresa's life inspires me, that she went somewhere she could make an impact, and she stayed. She didn't leave when things got harder, or when she was tired of sacrificing things. She roughed it out, and gained respect of countless people, both worldwide, and I'm certain in the community in which she lived.

Yet I often ask myself "What real good is being done by living among the poor? Can you truly help them, merely by living next to them?"I don't know. One thing I suppose that it can do, is remove the artificial separation between "us" and "them". I'm not going there to help them out, because I'm in a better place than them and they deserve my pity. Coming to grips with the fact that I'm no better than anyone else solely based on social/monetary status is abit harder to come to grips with than I had imagined. The culture screams it, drills it into our brains: once you have money, you have power, you are different and therefore better than others who have less than you.

But. If I truly could approach an issue like homelessness from a humble way, maybe I could impact the community that has rested on my heart. Maybe, I could make a difference in a few people's lives who need a friend. Maybe I could let God's love shine through me, not through some "noble, charitable work", but rather God's love pouring through my willing heart and spilling over to all I meet.

I don't know if I will end up living in a new monastic community. I have no idea what God has planned for my life. But I do know that when He wants me to move, He'll show me the place to set my foot. One step at time, maybe. But it will be enough.

Out.